botanomancy | condescend to calm this riot in your mind

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condescend to calm this riot in your mind

[The last month or so has not been easy. First the zombies, and everything that entailed - what he made Ronan do, Ronan's guilt, all the pain afterward. And then, in the midst of that, Gansey disappearing. They weathered it better than Adam would once have expected, better than he even really expected at the time. He always plans for the worst, but Ronan is better than that. He always has been.

They made it out the other side, still alive, still intact, still together. Adam does not know how to put into words how grateful he is for that, how incredible it is that their connection is as strong as ever. Ronan makes being in Hadriel less of a torture and more of - well, a vacation, maybe, a temporary removal from Henrietta and Aglionby and Adam's oncoming future. Here, they have each other, and a few friends, and they don't need much else.

Adam keeps himself busy, though. He doesn't know how to do anything else, even though he's slowly growing fond of lazy mornings in bed with Ronan, hours spent doing nothing in particular but talking and kissing and touching. He can't do it forever, though, Adam is the sort of creature who needs to keep himself busy and useful. He finds something around the house to take care of, takes Aspen for a walk, goes to the orchard to pull weeds. Most regularly, he goes to the clinic.

He's spent half the day there, organizing and helping out, and when he steps out of the repurposed house he's not overly surprised to see Ronan lingering nearby. It's not so strange to see him at the clinic at all, and certainly not when Adam is there. Adam smiles, a quick but genuinely pleased thing, and walks over.]

Hey.

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[He's tense and close, so close, little shocks of pleasure arcing through him every time Ronan's mouth moves on him, every time his tongue presses against Adam's skin. The truth is, when it's like this, when it's him and Ronan and nothing else in the world matters, when it's trust and love and deep, unflinching desire, Adam does love this loss of control. It's mindless, but it's a sort of openness that he's always been bad at, it's offering Ronan a part of himself that no one else will ever see.

It's not something he thinks about, not a conscious choice. It's just that sometimes when they do this, when they need each other so badly they can barely breathe, Adam loses himself in Ronan's touch, his lips and his teeth, his hands and his cock, the line of his shoulders and the elaborate tattoo etched across his skin. And nothing else matters then, not even Adam's careful self-control. Just Ronan, just the two of them. Just how much he needs Ronan, how much he loves him.

He wonders if it will ever not feel like a monumental revelation, knowing that he loves Ronan Lynch.

His breaths are tight and quick, his body so near the edge that it's hard to talk, hard to think, but Ronan barely needs to say anything. The moment he removes his mouth, the moment he's using it to talk instead of anything else, Adam gives in to his need.]

Oh, fuck - Ronan, please.

[There's a catch in his voice, an aching hunger that should be embarrassing but instead is simply honest. He's so close, and he wants Ronan, and he wants this so much. And Ronan asking, Ronan wanting more from him, god - that's even better, that's so fucking hot. He can barely think. He doesn't want to think, he just wants Ronan.]

[That's what does it for him- Adam's voice, needy and honest and so entirely open that Ronan wishes he could just stay with him like this forever, the two of them so wrapped up in one another, so open and consuming, that they almost become one being.

He loves him. That much he knows, without restraint, without any sign of an end, and Ronan smiles as he leans back in to press his mouth around Adam's cock again, sucking and pressing against him in just the way that Ronan knows he likes. It won't take Adam very long- if they're both being completely honest, it's not going to take Ronan very long either, with the rate that the two of them are going, the way that Adam's fingers skim over the fuzz of his hair, the way that Adam's legs hold him tighter and harder, the way that he lets his hunger consume him.

It's the hottest thing that Ronan thinks he's ever seen, and he devotes himself wholeheartedly to the task at hand to make the payoff worthy of it to both of them. One of his hands slips up just barely then, pressing a finger into his mouth alongside Adam's cock, before sliding back. He has to be quick- Adam is probably going to come here in a few moments, and he wants it to be as good as possible, and so he shifts forward just a little, enough to press his slick finger against Adam's entrance and ease inside.

It's not- he won't go for more than that without proper lubricant, but it's a nice counterpoint, he thinks, to the mouth on Adam's cock. If anything, it makes him a little regretful that they hadn't decided to run home for anything proper, but there'll always be next time.

And the time after that.]

[It's enough - more than enough - to push Adam over the edge. It's almost frightening to him sometimes, just how much he wants Ronan. How even the simplest touch can warm him, can make his heart beat just a tiny bit harder. He can even remember back to a time when it wasn't like that, when he didn't light up a little whenever Ronan looked at him, but that feels like the faintest of distant memories now.

And considering that, the intensity of his feelings and the depth of his desire, it's no surprise that being with Ronan like this can be so overwhelming. Adam loves him, has finally been able to say it aloud, and that's scary but it was also so easy. It felt right, and Adam might still be unsure about his own capacity for love, but he knows that despite that he loves Ronan with all of himself.

He arches up against Ronan, that slide of his finger into Adam a perfect arc of sensation, just enough to make him fall apart. It would have come quickly anyway, with Ronan's mouth on him, with everything that's gone between them, but that makes it better, makes Adam's climax come with a suddenness and intensity that even he wasn't expecting.

Afterward he'll feel bad that he wasn't able to warn Ronan, but in the moment, he can't think about anything. There's only the intense, single-minded pleasure as his body tenses, as he reaches release.]

[They've done this often enough that Ronan can tell when Adam is on the verge of falling apart, so it doesn't come as a surprise when he does. Not that it changes anything about Ronan's approach- he rides Adam hard all the way through it, not letting up with his mouth or his fingers until Adam is spent and sated and his hands are slowly falling back from where they'd been bunched up around Ronan's head and shoulders.

The taste is something he'd gotten used to, and so when he pulls gently off of him, he swallows easily, removing his hand from Adam's backside and just holding himself over the other boy for a moment, breathing hard and grinning darkly like he's just won some kind of illicit prize.

He doesn't make his own need known quite so fast, instead lets himself be brutally satisfied in the wake of Adam's own orgasm, at the sight of the panting, sweaty boy under him who he's loved for so long. Who loves him back. Who lets him take him apart with his fingers and his tongue and his cock on an almost daily basis. Ronan doesn't think he'll ever get enough of that, not with the way that Adam almost always looks afterward- not with how he looks during either, with his spine arched and his hipbones sharp and shaking with the release.]

I love it when you beg me, [he finally says, his voice a little hoarse from earlier activities. Ronan licks at his lips before slowly working his way back up Adam's body, holding himself carefully over him so as not to weigh him down or brush up against any oversensitive parts of him.

When he looks down at Adam's flushed face and disheveled hair, it's with the smug satisfaction of a sated predator- but there's something else to it too, an adoring softness in his eyes that he'd deny if it was ever brought up.]

We can be done, if you're tired.

[Ronan leans in for a chaste kiss at Adam's jaw, the sharpness of him giving way to pure affection.]

You did just get out of work.

[It takes a moment for him to catch his breath. More than a moment, really, and he doesn't rush himself. The moments afterward, with Ronan, are just as precious in Adam's mind, though of course in an entirely different way. He'll never get enough of the way Ronan looks at him, his careful affection that shines through in each movement.

He turns his head to catch Ronan's lips and kiss him gently. He doesn't care about the taste, about any of that, only about Ronan. The corners of his lips curve and his hand comes up, fingertips stroking the sharp line of Ronan's cheekbone.]

Don't be stupid.

[It doesn't sound harsh, especially not when Adam is still breathless, when he's looking at Ronan with so much undisguised affection. The offer is sweet, it's Ronan trying to look out for him, trying to make sure he doesn't put his needs above Adam's own, and Adam appreciates that for what it is.

He really doesn't know how he managed to get lucky enough to catch Ronan's attention. There's so much to him, all these facets and hidden layers that nobody else gets to see. Adam is privileged.]

I want to make you come.

[He is sated, lazy with it, content and happy - but he wants to give Ronan this too, he wants to give Ronan what Ronan has given him. He lets his hand fall from Ronan's face, reaching down again to touch him.]

Tell me what you want.

[Ronan grins, but the expression is cut short by him biting at his lower lip with a soft inhale when Adam moves to touch him, and he rocks his hips slightly into the other boy's grip. It's not enough to really get him going, but it's plenty appreciated, especially with the way that Adam's fingers are so delicate and know him so well.

He's hard, of course- he has been for awhile, but while he had his mouth on Adam, it was more of a distant sensation, as all of his being had been honed in on making Adam come. Now that he has, his attention diverts back into more selfish purposes, and he wants nothing more than to ride this out until completion just like this. He's half tempted to tell Adam to just keep going, to roll over and let Adam's talented fingers do the job for him- he loves that, the feel of Adam's hands on him wonderful and warm and dexterous, hollowing him out and making him whole all the same.

That isn't all he wants now, though. Ronan groans and leans down for a kiss, biting at Adam's lower lip insistently, before slowly moving to pull off of him.]

I want your mouth too, [he finally decides, moving back until his shoulders hit the nearby wall. Pulled away like this, he can really get a whole look at Adam, sated and happy and naked on the ground, and just the sight of him like this does things to Ronan that he's not willing to admit, but is likely plainly obvious anyway. He tilts his head back until it hits the wall, exhaling sharply.]

Fuck. Blow me.

[Realistically, it's either his mouth or his hands with what they have here, but Ronan doesn't mind. Anything- everything with Adam is good, even when it's on the floor of some random shop on the way home.]

[He doesn't need to be told twice, especially not when he wants Ronan as much as he does. It's true, he's just come - he's relaxed, sated, his body no longer craving release - but that doesn't make a difference. Not really. He always wants Ronan, and the act of giving him pleasure is as vital as receiving it. It's something he wants to do, something he likes doing. Finding the right way to touch him, to taste him, to make him come - it's a hobby Adam wouldn't mind spending hours indulging in.

He doesn't pull his pants back on, still not caring that they're on the floor, they're not at home. None of that matters - they have privacy, and he has Ronan, and that's what matters. Sometimes, after they've been together or before, Adam feels self-conscious - worried about his ribs, his scars, his freckles. But Ronan never seems to mind, always looks at him like he wants him despite those things, and slowly Adam has worried about them less and less.

Right now, he's not worried at all. He follows Ronan, crossing the space between them and pressing him back against the wall to kiss him, one hungry kiss before he moves downwards.

And Adam takes his time, because he loves this, because he has a precise mind, because as much as he wants to give Ronan pleasure he also wants to draw it out. He kisses Ronan's collarbone, biting gently, and his hand rests against Ronan's abdomen before drifting down to wrap around his cock, just touching him.]

I think I can do that.

[But not before, apparently, teasing him and touching him, brushing his lips across Ronan's nipple and stroking his cock.]

[Ronan returns the kisses, pleased to have Adam's affection above all else. Sure, he wants his mouth on him, but the softer moments like this only serve to remind him that their need for one another is just as important as the lust that curls up his stomach with an incessant ache.

He can't help but to groan, tilting his head back until it thuds into the wall, his eyes staring upward toward the ceiling while every bit of his mind is focused on Adam's fingers and tongue on his body. He doesn't think he's going to last long like this, not when Adam is doing all of this to him, paying attention to him, teasing him with his talented hands and his gorgeous mouth.

Ronan closes his eyes with a quick inhale, reaching a hand up to thread his fingers in Adam's hair, gently nudging him downward, urging him to stop teasing- it's not very nice, after all, and it's just getting him more and more worked up.]

C'mon...

[It's softer than he means it to be, breathy and earnest, wanting Adam on him more than anything else right now.]

[He takes pity on Ronan, because how could he not when Ronan sounds like that? When he can hear the desire in Ronan's voice so clearly, it's impossible not to want to give him everything. And if Ronan is feeling anything like Adam was, he won't last long.

He bends down, bracing himself with a hand near Ronan's leg so the angle is a little easier. His other hand remains wrapped around Ronan's cock as Adam leans in to lick at the tip. He likes doing this - honestly, he likes doing anything that will get Ronan off. There's a sort of pleasure, a sense of accomplishment to it. Adam likes to improve himself, likes to be good at things, and something like this is worth being good at. So he pays attention to Ronan's reactions, tries to figure out what he likes, tries to figure out the best way to give him exactly what he wants.

It's analytical, maybe, but not devoid of emotion - it's entirely because of emotion, because of the way he feels about Ronan. When they're together, it's so easy for Adam to lose himself in what they're doing, in the distraction of Ronan's lips and his touch and his cock, his steady shoulders, his sharp jaw, his tattoo. It's easy to forget about everything else in the pursuit of pleasure, of the kind of intense connection that he's never felt before. But times like this, when Adam has already lost himself to that and come back again, he likes this instead - he likes trying to find the best way to take Ronan apart.

He strokes Ronan's shaft with ease as he wraps his lips around the head of Ronan's cock. Adam isn't teasing anymore.]

Ah, shit.

[He'll never be used to the sensation of Adam's mouth on him, not if they do this for a thousand more time. It's just so warm and wet and full of intent, with his tongue and his lips and the slightest hint of his teeth. His hands are as sinful as the rest of him, and his eyes, the way that Adam looks up at him like he's trying to make sure he's doing a good job, fuck yes he's doing good.

Unfortunately, it's not going to be long like this, not after Ronan has already ached for so long and been wanting throughout all of this. He moans out softly, his fingers in Adam's hair tightening, but careful not to force him to stay down, just- holding for as long as Adam will let him, for whatever Adam will let him do.]

Fuck, that's so good- fuck, keep going-

[He groans it out from low in his chest, and Ronan presses upward just slightly against Adam's mouth- though he can't get much leverage from here, he's still wanting, chasing after his release with a needy insistence. It won't take too much more, all things considered.]

[He likes that feeling, the faint tug of Ronan's hand in his hair, not enough to hurt but enough to know that Ronan wants this, wants him. Not that that was ever in doubt, not really - not with the sounds Ronan is making, the way he moves. Adam loves those sounds, he loves the sound of Ronan's voice when they do this, loves the way Ronan's defenses drop and things just spill out.

He knows Ronan won't last too long, and that's okay with him. He likes to draw it out sometimes, to take their time and tease and make the climax that much more intense, but he doesn't think Ronan needs that at all right now. He looks up at Ronan for a moment, burning that expression into his memory.

Then he bobs his head, taking Ronan deeper. As deep as he can, and he wraps his hand around the rest and presses his tongue against the underside of Ronan's cock. Encouragement, an invitation maybe. He wants to make Ronan come, he wants this and he isn't thinking about anything else. It's not a duty or an exchange - he isn't doing it because Ronan blew him, he's doing it because he wants to, because there's very little in the world he likes more than making his boyfriend come. Because he loves him, because he likes to show his love with actions, because Ronan is incredibly sexy, because they're both teenagers with more hormones than sense sometimes. All of the above.]

[Ronan gasps out a breath when Adam moves down lower, the sensation of his clever tongue working against him something that he's not likely to forget anytime soon. Adam is a god, and Ronan is all too willing to submit before him, particularly when it's so pleasurable, when Adam is here and willing and so earnest, with his mouth down on his cock and his hands sliding across his skin.

His body rolls upward- he can't help it- and he moans when he finally comes, the sensation sparking through his body like an electric shock. Adam is good at this, he's so good, and it's all Ronan can do to just ride out the full extent of his orgasm, his fingers tightening on Adam's hair to keep him down and on his cock, just for a few more moments.

He doesn't force him- Adam could pull away at any moment, but if he wants to stay, fuck that's hot, and Ronan is going to enjoy every second of it, every bit of warmth and wetness and the incredibly focused expression on the other boy's face. This is all he wants- being with him like this, unable to hold back.

Ronan says a few words, curses, Adam's name, some kind of worshipful words, before he collapses back against the wall with deep, gulping breaths of air, exhausted and sated and satisfied more than he's been in awhile.]

[He stays where he is, riding out Ronan's climax with him. He loves the sounds Ronan makes, his musical cursing, the sound of his own name. Adam could never hear these kinds of things often enough. He likes the tension in Ronan's body, suddenly released, and he doesn't even mind the come - after all, he's had enough practice by now that it's not a surprise, not something that bothers him. On the contrary, he likes being there, he likes doing this for Ronan, another careful act of worship.

Which is to say, Adam doesn't have any compunctions about swallowing.

He pulls away only when Ronan is finished, breath coming a little ragged, and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand to clear away any remaining mess. Then he straightens from the slightly awkward position he'd been in and leans in to kiss Ronan's cheek, his hand resting on Ronan's thigh for another point of contact, a spot of warmth between them. It's far more sweet than hungry in this moment.]

I love you.

[When he's done, it's all he can do to lean against the wall and catch his breath, letting his hand drop to Adam's shoulder. And then Adam is lifting up and talking to him, and Ronan cracks an eye open to look at him, before dragging him in for anther kiss, on the mouth this time.

Hearing those words again, for the second time from Adam is nothing short of magical. Ronan knows that he's loved him for awhile now, but letting Adam say it, letting himself hear it- it's more intense than anything else he's felt. He doesn't put much stock into words, but these words are different.]

I love you too.

[Ronan murmurs it softly, dragging his thumb across Adam's collarbone with a little smile. They're both still practically naked in public but- he can't really bring himself to care about that right now, not after everything else.]

[If they were at home, all Adam would want would be to curl up with Ronan, bodies pressed close to together, and listen to him breathe. Maybe it's because he lacked physical affection for so long, maybe it's because it's easier to be vulnerable, maybe it's because of a hundred other reasons, but Adam likes to be close after they're finished. He likes to be able to hold Ronan or be held, to cuddle, to feel like he belongs there in Ronan's arms.

They're not at home, and this isn't an ideal location for that kind of thing, so Adam doesn't push it. But he catches Ronan's hand, brings his palm to Adam's lips and kisses the skin there softly.

He could hear Ronan say those words a thousand times and it would never feel any less incredible. He's never heard it from anyone else, never imagined it would be something anyone felt for him. Ronan rarely says it, but Adam treasures each time. It's an impossibility, Ronan loving him, but it's true.

He really just wants to curl up against Ronan and take a nap. But this isn't a good place for that.]

We should get home.

Nngh.

[Ronan clearly doesn't want to move from where he is, but he nods with great effort anyway, hefting himself off of the wall to rest his elbows on his lifted knees and watch Adam prepare himself to go again. The problem is, he's sated now, and he's feeling lazy and happy and sleepy and if they could just curl up here, then he'd really appreciate it.

In the end though, he's aware of the fact that Adam is probably right- that they should get going, where there's a warm bed and blankets and no possibility of being walked in on, but it's hard and Ronan is prepared to complain about physical effort the entire way.

Still. His fingers curl lightly against Adam's jaw and Ronan offers him a faint smile, before stretching out and reluctantly reaching for his pants to shove a leg into and heft them back on.]

Then we're gonna crash in bed for the rest of the day. I've already decided.

[It takes some effort, but he manages to force himself to put his jeans back on and pull his shirt over his head. He'll probably need a shower at some point, but it doesn't seem too pressing right now.]

Yeah? I guess I can't argue, then.

[Not that he would. Spending the day in bed with Ronan, napping or doing other things, sounds perfect. Especially right now, when he still feels warm and flushed with pleasure, with the happiness that comes along with knowing that he is loved. The actual act of getting home won't be that fun - all that walking, though really it isn't that far - but the payoff at the end is probably worth it.

He stands up, and holds out a hand to help Ronan up too.]

Maybe we can think a little about - sharing.

[About Ronan really moving in with him, that is, about them making a space together. Adam already considers his room partially Ronan's as well, it only makes sense when Ronan spends a majority of his nights there. They might as well make it official.]

Let me get my sledgehammer and we can.

[Ronan quips back, easy as anything. The idea of staying with Adam permanently doesn't really give him pause- if anything, it's a thought that he agrees with. Ronan spends more nights with Adam than without him now, and while they typically sleep in Adam's room due to the mess in Ronan's, they've spent plenty of time together in both.

Ronan wouldn't mind condensing it into one room- he'd rather spend all of his time with Adam anyway- but he doesn't know how the other boy feels about the endlessly-growing piles of random junk in Ronan's room, or how Adam would feel if it took up space in a shared room instead. Adam is far more organized than Ronan himself, and while his room isn't spotless, it's nothing like the disaster-strewn area of Ronan's.

It had always been a topic for another day, before. Now, Ronan supposes, it is that other day. He peers toward Adam with a lazy, satisfied look and offers him a hint of a cocky smirk as he stands and reaches for his shirt.]

Hell, I'll get you one too. What do you know about remodeling?

[He doesn't think that they could actually get it looking perfect, but while Ronan has joked about demolishing the wall that separates their rooms before, now he's actually starting to think of it seriously. Moving their beds out of the way, dreaming up some plastic sheeting to cover things with, some goggles and gloves or whatever, and then just- destruction. A rug to cover the gap in the floor, some spackling for the walls and ceiling- it's not an impossible feat, really.]

Almost nothing.

[But he could learn. Adam is rather sure that Ronan is mostly looking for a chance to smash things, but he can't be too bothered by that. It does sound satisfying.

Adam likes having his own space, he has since he left his father's trailer. It might not have always been nice, but it was his. And that's still true, it's just that now having Ronan around doesn't ever feel like losing that space. It's not about privacy, it's more about having a place that he knows is his, that he can retreat to if he needs to. He doesn't need to be able to lock Ronan out, because Ronan is a part of that.

Adam likes having him there, likes sharing that space with him. He thinks Ronan might feel the same, but he also knows that Ronan might worry about his dreams, might worry about not having somewhere else to sleep when he needs it. But Adam thinks that maybe they've gotten past some of that - Ronan pulls strange things out of his dreams, but so far nothing has hurt Adam, and Adam isn't at all afraid that it will.

And he wants this. He thinks, in a way, that it's inevitable. Ronan's in for the long haul and so is he. If they're both comfortable with each other, why wait even longer?]

As long as we can do it without too much structural damage, why not?

Cool, [says Ronan, and the matter is settled.

Early on, there'd been the concern about having his own space because his space is a sacred area to him- where else would he go if he needed to retreat from everyone else, where he could put himself if he was worried about his dreams. But Ronan's dreams haven't been a problem in awhile now, and Adam has never really been everyone else.

Besides, he muses, if all else fails then he can move upstairs for a night or whatever.

Ronan tugs his shirt on, before making sure that he's got everything, slipping his feet into his shoes and helping Adam get situated as well. Gently, Ronan reaches up to tousle Adam's hair and get some of the dust and sex-frump out of it, eventually giving up and pulling back with a small grin.]

Ready?

[Briefly, he envies Ronan's buzzed hair. Ronan never has to worry about walking around with messy I-just-had-sex hair. But he's pretty sure he couldn't pull the look off - and he doesn't really want to, not when it suits Ronan so very well.

He does reach out and smooth a few wrinkles from Ronan's clothes, though. It's more a gesture of affection than anything else, because Adam is well aware Ronan absolutely does not care about looking neat and put-together. But Adam likes touching him, especially right now, and so he indulges himself.

It'll be interesting to see the destruction he's just agreed to. But hey, their house can probably handle it. And who are they going to annoy with it? Noah's much more likely to be delighted by the prospect.]

Ready. Let's head home.

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condescend to calm this riot in your mind

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